We spent the last week in Melbourne with some really good friends. during that time I decided (with some encouragement from the kids) to give the éclairs another go. This time I had the benefit of practice AND a good fan-forced oven. This was the result... 
And this was the response...
Not bad for a second go I reckon
I've been reading more of Wayne Cordeiro's book 'Leading on Empty'. There's a couple of chapters there where he talks about operating out of our strengths/passions rather than operating to fulfil a job description. He asks 2 questions:
As I'm reading this I keep trying to think what my answers would be. It's pretty hard for me to think like this but maybe that is part of this journey for me. I need to think differently; that is, I need to start thinking about the stuff that I've not really thought about before. Most of my life I've spent trying to fit in with whatever role or task people wanted me to do. I tried to become all things to all people so that I would be more employable, more attractive to prospective churches (or employers). But there is within me a tension that I am coming to recognise, I don't want to be all things to all people. I don't want to 'fit in' with whatever anybody wants from me. I want to find something that I can be passionate about - something I could 'sell my soul to' and do that. I'm tired of playing chameleon to the vast variety of churches out there who want a Pastor to do anything and everything for them. I can't - I'm only one person and have the limitations that only one person has.
So here it is, the stuff I would die for, the stuff I would live for, the stuff that replenishes me, the most important 5%:
That's my list - so far - its pretty rough at the moment - it needs refining and articulating, but it's a start. And already I'm aware of how out of whack my last job was. I didn't fit very well at all. Now of course in any church/employment situation there has to be give and take, I'm not so naive as to assume that the perfect fit is out there for me. But I have to operate out of the core of who I am or things fall apart for me. And at my last church that wasn't happening, I was being asked to do stuff that didn't sit well with who I was - and I was being asked to do that all the time. No time for reflection or prayer for example - just go go go every minute of the day. I felt like I was suffocating inside.
Last night I went to a men's event called 'The Bloke' at Riverview Church. The whole night was dedicated to all things male; complete with drag racers, bikes, a bucking bronco and live bands. The event is staged about 3 times a year by the church with the aim of specifically having contact with men who would normally never go near the place. It's a clever idea and perhaps one that other churches could pick up on. The cost is about $20, that includes a free beer and hot dog upon entry. Usually there is an interview with a well known guest - last night it was Steve Bradbury (our only speed skating gold medallist) - and a wrap-up talking about stuff that men relate to.
You can tell that the church puts a lot of time and effort into the night. Its well organised, professional and thoughtful; the short talk at the end was useful without being sentimental or preachy. I'd like to see more churches do something like this. I can remember the days when a men's event usually involved a missionary in a safari suit, a badly cooked dinner and an hour long sermon - I was too embarrassed to bring any of my mates. I know we've come a long way since then, but it seems to me that men's stuff is still a ministry that is neglected by churches.
I still struggle with the idea that somehow when it comes to events like these, churches seem to have the attitude that 'second best is good enough'. In a world where well produced, professional entertainment can be seen on TV for free, is it any wonder that men choose to stay at home rather than come to a church 'men's breakfast' or some other event that has been organised on the cheap? As churches, we need to put money into these events - even if we can only afford one a year! Yes! I know, money always seems to be in short supply. But I think we need to take this seriously, and that means putting real money and effort into the event - quality stuff, professional work, good speakers! If we are serious about 'reaching the lost' then we need to ditch the 'she'll be right attitude' that can and still does exist in many churches. We live in a world where people are more discerning about their choices and less likely to put up with something that doesn't come up to scratch. Its true that we can't all do something as big as this, but we can do it better, we should do it better - there is eternity at stake here.
I have started reading Wayne Cordeiro's book 'Leading on Empty'. . I have always pictured Wayne Cordeiro (New Hope Honolulu) as one of those out there, high profile, strong, dynamic, visionary type of leaders; in the vein of Hybels, Maxwell et al. I picked up the book along with a couple of others at Koorong last week. I wanted something that would speak into some of the places I have been over the last 18 months. Normally I would have ignored authors like Cordeiro - you know the type. Its not that I don't respect them, its just that I really have trouble connecting with these people... but t hat's a whole new blog.
Anyway I picked this book up because the title intrigued me. 'What's a high profile, energetic, visionary leader doing with a title like this?' I thought. The book chronicles Cordeiro's own journey through burnout and depression and the lessons he learned through his experience. In spite of my general apprehension, I find myself empathising with his journey - even great leaders have human failings and fragile natures. I am appreciating his honesty as he chronicles his own journey and the insights and strategies he shares for dealing with this. Right now I'm looking at 6 of the most important areas of life - the 5% that 'shapes our souls'. Cordeiro discovered that he was devoting 85% of his time to stuff that didn't need it. Only 5% was spent on the really important stuff - the stuff that only he can do! The stuff that God has shaped him to do.
I think that in a sense that is where I am right now - part of my leaving was made much easier by the certain knowledge that I was being bent out of shape - forced into a role, a mould that just didn't fit. Looking forward to reading some more.
Having nothing better to do with my new found freedom I thought I would try out my skills as a pastry chef. Now I’ve always been a bit of a cook around the house. I make a decent couple of curries, a Boeuf Bourguignon, Laksa, bread and a couple of other dishes as well. Cooking is something that generally helps me chill out and gives me something to do while processing stuff in my head. I enjoy it – its fun for me. That is until the almighty choux pastry stuff-up!
It all started with ‘Poh's Kitchen’, a cooking show on ABC TV. Poh was doing the whole French Patisserie thing, complete with French Pastry Chef (Emmanuel Mollois from the Choux Cafe in Swanbourne WA – check it out) and state of the art kitchen to boot. By comparison I had a kitchen bench, a dodgy oven and NO experience at all. But my wife encouraged me (a decision she now regrets) I was inspired so off to the shops I went to get the necessary ingredients and a piping bag.
Now, making the choux pastry wasn’t a problem at all – a breeze in fact. ‘Wow, this is easy’ I thought, then came the piping bag…. I now know NEVER to get a piping bag from a $2 dollar shop. This thing split on me with only the second éclair being squeezed out. And it all went pretty much south from there. After several attempts at running repairs to the bag it was thrown with some force into the bin. Attempts at using gladwrap and greaseproof paper were equally unsuccessful. I finally gave in and just resorted to using 2 teaspoons and turning the rest of my éclairs into profiteroles (I hope). There they sat in the dodgy oven, slowly turning into something that resembles a troupe of snails without a home. After 45 minutes of trepidation they were finally pulled from their warm seclusion to be presented to a waiting world….
After enduring the humiliation of my wife’s mocking laughter (she’s still laughing even as I type this – I like giving pleasure to people) I realised the sad truth, she’s on a diet… which means I get to stuff these babies with chocolate cream and eat them in front of her. Revenge really is sweet!
Why now? Why start a blog at 46 years of age? Why name a webpage after the rear end of a chicken?
I'm out of work! A couple of months ago I had a meeting with the Church leaders at which time we agreed that it was time for me to go. I finished up a couple of week ago.
Was I sad? Actually I was relieved! We came to this church after a stint of some years in a small country church, looking forward to moving back to the city and getting involved with something different. What we got was about 18 months of angst, worry, pressure and hardship as we struggled to fit in with the expectations that were placed upon us. I had already begun to ask questions about my role there before the hammer fell, so it was really no surprise when it came.
How did it come to this? Well I guess that's what this blog is all about, its a bit of a journey for me as I try to sort out what happened and why. But for the moment 2 reasons prevail.
I don't feel bitter, the role was causing me grief, it was putting a strain on my family, on our friends (we hardly connected with them - everything seemed to be about church) and on my spirit - which felt like it was dying. I think on reflection that I would have pulled the plug myself anyway. The church is a good church and I would recommend it to people, but in the end the role just didn't fit.
Right now I am giving myself a bit of a break; 4-5 weeks of just sitting back, reflecting, doing nothing, reading books, cooking (a bit of a hobby of mine), looking after the kids and just chilling out with friends. Guess we'll see what else comes up in the mix.
I have never in my life done a blog. I'm 46 years old, married with 2 kids and forever thinking that blogging, twittering, face-booking (is that even a word?) was a young mugs game. Not anymore! Time for this balding, grey haired, what-the-hell-is-a-metorsexual-anyway bloke to join the ranting, speculating, conspiracy-theory-loving, opinionated, often heartfelt, sometimes clueless, wisecracking chorus that is the blog universe.
