Why the...?

Why now? Why start a blog at 46 years of age? Why name a webpage after the rear end of a chicken?

I'm out of work! A couple of months ago I had a meeting with the Church leaders at which time we agreed that it was time for me to go. I finished up a couple of week ago.

Was I sad? Actually I was relieved! We came to this church after a stint of some years in a small country church, looking forward to moving back to the city and getting involved with something different. What we got was about 18 months of angst, worry, pressure and hardship as we struggled to fit in with the expectations that were placed upon us. I had already begun to ask questions about my role there before the hammer fell, so it was really no surprise when it came.

How did it come to this? Well I guess that's what this blog is all about, its a bit of a journey for me as I try to sort out what happened and why. But for the moment 2 reasons prevail.

1. Fit! I was a square plug in a round hole, I was being asked to do something that just didn't fit who I am and the way I am wired. The role called for a fast-paced, out-there, extrovert, decisive, evangelist/church planter type of person. I'm slower paced, preacher-teacher type.
2. Finance! The church was losing money and needed to make some cuts before it bled out. So I was the logical choice in this case. I wasn't the only one, other staff had their hours cut as well.

I don't feel bitter, the role was causing me grief, it was putting a strain on my family, on our friends (we hardly connected with them - everything seemed to be about church) and on my spirit - which felt like it was dying. I think on reflection that I would have pulled the plug myself anyway. The church is a good church and I would recommend it to people, but in the end the role just didn't fit.

Right now I am giving myself a bit of a break; 4-5 weeks of just sitting back, reflecting, doing nothing, reading books, cooking (a bit of a hobby of mine), looking after the kids and just chilling out with friends. Guess we'll see what else comes up in the mix.